A myriad of colorful lights exploded in the sky above La Push as the fireworks began. Excitement filled the air all around us. The beach was crowded with newcomers, many of them carrying cameras to take pictures of the spectacle illuminating the night sky.
Besides the Quileute people, many tourists from countries worldwide as well as visitors from other states would come join the celebration every summer.
Everyone gathered in groups around the bonfires, where the Quileute elders performed traditional dances and chanted ancient mantras for the earth.
My favorite part of the celebration was the sacred drumming. Old Quil Ateara said it was meant to put the dancers in a trance so they could receive healing visions from the ancestors.
Old Quil Ateara was the elder who had lived the longest among our people, so we all had great reverence for him. He was a wise old man with many secrets.
As a matter of fact, most of what Sam knew about the hidden Quileute knowledge had come from Old Quil.
I didn't know much about these secret truths, because I was still considered unworthy. I had yet to prove myself as a true Alpha in the eyes of the elders who guarded this knowledge. But I could tell that whatever they knew gave them great power to sway the emotions of those around them.
They seemed to be surrounded by a field of magnetic electricity. Just by watching their silhouettes moving in circles around the fire, you were immediately drawn in.
The magical sound of the sacred drumming affected everyone there. It worked on anyone who participated in it, not only on the Quileutes. No matter what color their skin may be, or what culture or country they might come from, the drumming was like a universal language that united us all.
Some people would laugh, others would cry, while others would just stare like they were watching a freak show. The practice had been passed down from generation to generation ever since the Spirit Warriors had seen what was beyond the world of the living. That's where they'd learned all the secrets that today we called the hidden Quileute knowledge.
I checked my cell to see if Bella had called, but she still hadn't. I felt the anxiety building up in the pit of my stomach, so I tried hard to enjoy the fireworks, but I couldn't get our last conversation out of my head, especially after the psychic attack I had suffered.
After all, I knew Edward could read my thoughts but only if he specifically made it a point to tune in to them. He may have been tuned in to someone else's thoughts at the time when it happened, and, if he had, then he would've missed everything.
And yet somehow I couldn't help but wonder why Bella had called me three times in one hour, and not just at any random time, but precisely during the hour I'd been unconscious.
I glanced around me and spotted Leah and Embry somewhere in the crowd, dancing. They weren't even touching, but I could tell from the way they gazed into each other's eyes that maybe they were in love.
But what did I, of all people, know about love? Sure, I couldn't deny that I usually got a decent amount of female attention, but my feelings for Nessie always held me back. I was destined to remain a virgin, at least until Nessie was old enough to mate with me.
It was confusing to think of Nessie in that way, knowing she was barely turning five this year. In human years, she was five, but in vampire years, she was already a fully developed teenager, curves and all.
I felt conflicted to say the least, and for that reason, my friendship with Bella had grown stronger from the moment Nessie was born. I somehow felt that only Bella understood how I felt about her daughter.
Edward had been pretty cool with it, too, but he and I could never be close friends.
After all, Bella and I had shared a kiss once—a long time ago, before she married Edward. Back then I'd been stupid enough to believe I was in love with her. I couldn't have been more wrong all along. Bella was Edward's wife and she would always be. As for me, I was destined to be with Nessie someday.
Yet, I couldn't help but sense every time I was around Bella that it was an awkward situation for Edward to have to accept.
I couldn't complain about Edward. His attitude towards me had gone from hatred to respect, and even maybe a little loyalty, for having stood by his family's side against the Volturi.
Ever the gentleman, Edward had always been very polite and friendly with me since that day. But there was often a really subtle tinge of animosity that his eyes betrayed when I went anywhere near his wife.
This is probably part of the reason why the Cullens had moved to Canada. Bella never admitted to it, but something told me she was well aware of this uneasiness eating away at her husband's cold marble façade.
I myself never dared to bring it up either. I figured I was lucky enough to be allowed to visit Nessie once a month until the time came to be with her forever.
My consolation every time the longing hit me hard was to call Bella and find out how Nessie was doing. Sometimes Bella would let Nessie come to the phone, but not nearly as often as I'd hope, especially when Edward was home.
Edward had accepted the fact that I had imprinted on his daughter, at least to a certain extent, but he had set limitations to our friendship. Something about him wanting to let Nessie have a "normal" childhood before she awakened to the temptations of romantic love.
Whatever. He was the father. I had to obey his rules no matter how much it hurt to be away from her.
As I dug my bare feet into the sand, the anxiety came screaming out of my gut again. And, only seconds later, I realized it had been a premonition. My cell vibrated inside my pocket, sending a sudden chill up and down my spine. It was a short text message from Bella. "We're here," it read.
I hardly had enough time to finish reading it when I saw them. Looking perfectly chiseled and airbrushed like sculptures, the Cullens made their grand entrance.
My heartbeat quickened the moment my eyes met Nessie's. The birthday girl was here, and the party had just begun.
Before I saw Nessie for the first time, I used to think the whole idea of imprinting was a stupid myth, an irritating epidemic that had infected almost half the boys in the pack. Little did I know at the time that I, too, would be sucked into its irresistible whirlwind.
Now I understood why Quil, Old Quil Ateara's grandson, wouldn't date at all. Like me, he had imprinted on a young girl and now was stuck having to wait until she was a grown woman.
Claire, the girl Quil had imprinted on, was eight years old, almost nine. She was Emily's niece, and Quil was head over heels for her, but only in a big brother kind of way, at least for the time being.
Of course, Quil's situation was very different from mine. Claire was fully human, so there was no confusion there. She actually looked her age and was much too innocent yet to realize what Quil's adoration for her ultimately meant. As a result, Quil found it easy to be around her without potentially offending her folks.
I wish I could say the same about Nessie and me. Being around her was a great relief in a way, but at the same time, it also filled me with guilt and made me feel like a total weirdo.
I could see in her eyes that she, too, was attracted to me. But, instead of putting me at ease, being aware of her attraction made me feel torn between two opposing, and equally strong forces. I simply didn't know how to behave around her, even more so when Edward was near.
Quiet desperation was the best way to put it. My hands sweating, I took a few steps in their direction.
I avoided Edward's scrutinizing glare. I knew he was intently focused on reading my every thought, so I made a strong effort to think of potato chips, or something silly like that. Knowing my strategy would annoy him to no end, I suppressed a chuckle and tried to think about even more outrageous things, like a talking Christmas tree or a crazy cat, running around in circles, trying to bite its own tail.
Jasper and Emmett, Edward's two vampire brothers, stepped forward in a protective manner and stood motionless on either side of Edward. Together, the three of them shot me warning glances, staring me down like they'd be willing to take me in a fight anytime if I crossed the line.
You have nothing to worry about, I thought, consciously projecting my thoughts into Edward's mind and fully aware that Jasper could pick up on my moods and emotions with pinpoint accuracy. She's just a child to me, I assured them.
I may not be psychic in my human form, but there's one thing I'd become very good at since I started dealing closely with the Cullens. I'd become an expert at reading their body language.
No matter how expressionless and stiff they might seem to others, I could still sense how they felt about me. They didn't trust me. That was clear, but I wouldn't dare confront them for the sake of Nessie.
The first one to speak was Dr. Carlisle Cullen, their adoptive father and clan leader. "Hello, Jacob," he said with a smile that appeared sincere.
Of all the males in that family, the one that knew how to break the ice in the most awkward of situations was Carlisle. Stepping forward in front of his boys, he shook my hand, a wide smile on his face the whole time. He actually seemed happy to see me.
I couldn't describe how relieved I felt to find out that Carlisle didn't perceive me as a threat. I honestly wanted to get along with them, I really did. All of it for Nessie. My commitment to her was so real to me that I wanted her to be happy at whatever cost.
As I'd suspected, the next one to approach me was Alice, Edward's sister. According to Quileute legends, every vampire supposedly had a super power. Hers was clairvoyance. She often had visions of the future. Always the most cheerful of the Cullen females, Alice was also the most talkative. "Hey, Jake, where are your shoes?" she asked in her usual fairylike voice.
After Alice gave me a hug, Bella and Nessie came towards me. I wished so much I could open my arms to hold them both, but, instead, I controlled myself and remained standing there, trying to show Edward I had no intention of disrespecting his family.
Yet, while Bella read my gesture clearly and limited her greeting to a nod and a shy batting of eyelashes, Nessie couldn't care less about what her family thought.
Looking like a goddess in a summer dress, she threw herself in my arms and pressed herself up against me. "Jake!" she screamed in excitement.
I immediately pulled back, the quiet desperation about to explode in my chest. In my eyes, Renesmee's beauty was supernatural, but those were forbidden thoughts to me. Think of potatoes, think of potatoes, I repeated to myself, trying to ignore Jasper and Emmett, who were having a hard time keeping a straight face while reading me.
Oh well, it was better to make them laugh than to fight them, I figured. It felt awful to disappoint Nessie. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her feelings, but with Edward there, I was walking on thin ice. My only consolation was Bella's loyalty to me. Somewhere inside of me I trusted that she'd help me out.
Esme, Carlisle's wife, must have picked up on how rotten I was feeling after pulling away from Nessie's embrace, because she came over and rested her hand on my shoulder. "It's great to see you, Jake." Her eyes bright with motherly affection, she smiled at me and lightly kissed me on the forehead.
The only one who kept a distance was Rosalie, Edward's other sister, who remained in the background, the whole time giving me the same you-better-watch-it glare as her brothers. Even though she wasn't exactly my favorite person, Rosalie loved and protected Nessie like she was her own daughter.
Just for that, she had my respect. She was a devoted aunt, so, every time I felt tempted to dislike her, I tried to look at her through Nessie's eyes. I preferred to call her blondie instead of Rosalie. She was a tough cookie. I dare say she loved Nessie as much as she disliked me. I could tell she hated the idea of Nessie dating me someday, even though she never said a word about it.
Not that she ever talked to me, anyway. Most of the time, when she wasn't looking daggers at me, she'd pretend I wasn't even there. The good thing about it is she was easier to tolerate when she ignored me, because I could just ignore her right back.
Tonight she'd decided to acknowledge me, but only to remind me how much she disapproved of me. As I tried to break free from the stare lock she had me in, I noticed that Nessie went over to stand next to her.
For a second there, the two of them glared at me, and I thought I saw resentment in Nessie's eyes. Unfortunately, I knew that look very well, having grown up with two older sisters. Either I was being way too paranoid, or Blondie had been brainwashing Nessie to drive her away from me.
After all, I was the one who had imprinted on Nessie, and not the other way around. When a werewolf imprinted on someone, he was fully committed to that person for as long as he lived. It wasn't always the same for the other person, though. Imprinting couldn't override anyone's free will. Unlike me, Nessie would always have a choice, and Blondie knew it all too well.
I didn't even want to imagine what would become of me if Nessie were to choose someone else when the time came. The thought was much too painful to consider, so I had to brush it off if I wanted to stay sane.
Just then, I heard Leah's voice calling out from behind me. "Alice!"
"Hey, Leah!" Alice responded with the same excitement.
Two girls who were supposed to be natural enemies—Alice for being a vampire, and Leah for being a werewolf—had actually become the best of friends in the past few years.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw Seth and Leah approaching. Seth had always been friendly with the Cullens, but it had taken Leah a while to warm up to them. That's until Alice had somehow managed to get her excited about planning parties. From that point on, Leah's attitude towards the Cullens had changed for good.
"Welcome back." Leah greeted Alice with a hug and then went on to give hugs to the rest of the family.
Seth, too, was as thrilled to see the Cullens as they were to see him. Everyone liked Seth, and the pack had nicknamed him White Dove, because he was the only pacifist among us. "Let's go guys," Seth called out, wearing his signature grin, "the elders are waiting."
My dad Billy and Old Quil invited Carlisle and Esme to sit next to them at the head of the circle. Sam and the Blindfolded Hermit were also asked to take a place next to the elders, along with Bella's dad Charlie and his fiancé Sue Clearwater, mother of Seth and Leah.
According to Quileute traditions, it was a great honor to sit next to the elders, and only those who had earned a position of leadership were invited to join.
I, too, someday would be recognized as a leader, but right now, I wasn't very sure I wanted the responsibility. Along with the rest of the Cullens, I sat with Seth, Embry and Sam's girlfriend, Emily. We formed a circle around the bonfire, while the other guys in the pack, Paul, Quil and Jared were somewhere in the crowd, watching the fireworks with their girls.
Edward sat next to Bella, his back propped up against a rock, while Bella gazed silently at the flames dancing in front of her. As the burning wood crackled, and the smoke billowed upwards into the sky, Bella's eyes seemed to move along with the tiny embers that flew in all directions.
I could tell something was bothering her. She didn't have to tell me. I was pretty sure it had to do with her phone call from the night before. Another thing that worried me was her skin tone. It looked so pale it was almost grey. Should be normal for a vampire, but none of the other Cullen females appeared as corpselike and unhealthy as Bella did.
With everyone all mellow, no one was saying much, except for Leah and Alice who kept going on an on about fashion designers in Seattle.
"Speaking of Seattle," Leah suddenly announced, "you should see what I got you from there, Nessie."
Opening her eyes widely, Nessie sprung up from the folding lawn chair where she'd been lounging and clapped her hands in excitement. "I want to see it. Where is it?"
"At my mom's house," Leah replied.
"Mama," Nessie said to Bella, "can I go to Sue's house, pleeeeease?"
Before Bella could answer, Alice chimed in, "I'll go with them."
"Me, too," added Rosalie.
Bella exchanged looks with Edward, probably projecting her thoughts into his mind.
Edward shrugged and nodded indifferently. "Sure, I don't see why not."
As the four girls left the circle, it occurred to me that Seth should go with them just to be safe. "Seth," I muttered.
"Huh?"
I nudged him. "Go with your sister."
"Geez, Jake, Leah knows how to take care of herself."
"Yeah, but everyone's at the beach right now, and it's already dark. Go with them, Seth. C'mon."
"You owe me one." Kicking some sand my way, Seth got up reluctantly and took off after the girls.
This was the perfect opportunity for me to talk to Bella, but I'd have to get past Edward first. I made it a point to get Edward's attention right at the moment when I was taking a huge bite out of my steak. "Hey, Edward."
"Yes?" he asked, staring at the half-cooked blood dripping from my steak.
"Hungry?" I took another juicy bite and offered him a piece even though I knew quite well that vampires never eat.
He waved his hand and said, "No, thanks," then smiled, like I'd just said something funny.
"So, Edward," I began casually, "Bella tells me you guys have been learning ballroom dancing."
Falling right for it, Edward smiled proudly and bragged, "I'm taking her to Argentina in the summer to learn the tango. Isn't that right, love?" He barely looked at her as he said that.
"I thought you said Brazil first," Bella replied, mirroring his attitude of detachment.
That's when I jumped at the chance. "You wouldn't mind her teaching me a few steps. Would you, Edward?"
He smiled in complete confidence, not a single trace of jealousy in his eyes. "Not at all! Show him what you got, love," he told Bella as he kissed her hand.
I offered Bella my hand to help her up, but, before I knew it, she was already standing next to me.
"Sure you want to do this?" she asked with a cocky smile like she was about to bring it.
"Positive." I took her in my arms, and she suddenly started showing off a few of her impressive ballroom moves.
Bella as a vampire behaved very differently from the clumsy human girl she used to be before she'd moved to Forks, before she'd graduated high school.
Before Edward had changed her.
Now as a vampire, she moved with great precision and agility. She'd become very picky about her hairstyle, makeup, shoes and clothes. In her own undead sort of way, she looked just as elegant and provocative as any Maxim babe.
"You said you needed to talk to me," I reminded her.
"First of all, I want you to know that I got it all taken care of, alright?"
Just the opposite of what she was saying, but fine. I didn't mind playing along. "Okay?"
She swallowed hard and looked at me. "Edward wants to send Nessie away to Europe."
The news hit me so hard, I was frozen for a few seconds. "Europe," I repeated without thinking.
"Paris," Bella added.
"What the hell's in Paris?" My anger just burst out of me without warning. I was losing it.
"The Occult School of Vampires."
I knew I hadn't heard wrong. My super hearing sense had never failed me, even in my human form. "Geez," I sighed, shaking my head. "I hate to ask you this, Bells, but has Edward completely lost it?"
"He says she'll be safe there."
"Safe from what?" I jumped.
"From the Volturi," was her answer. She wasn't joking.
"Why is he so paranoid?" And then it dawned on me. "Bella," I said, holding her gaze. "Is there something going on that you're not telling me?"
She shook her head. "I'm not trying to hide anything from you. I'm telling you everything."
I knew she was being honest, but I still had to test her. "And this is what you say you got all taken care of?"
"I don't need your help, if that's what you're trying to say." Great, now she was on the defensive.
"Have the Volturi made a move?" I had to ask.
"No." She paused for a moment and then added. "Not yet."
"Not yet?" I said shocked.
"You want the truth, I'm telling you the truth. They haven't made a move, Jacob."
"Then why is Edward so afraid for Nessie?"
Her eyes watered a little. A mother's suffering in Bella's eyes that I'd never seen before. "She has no self control."
I didn't want to bring it up, but I just couldn't fight the urge to ask. "Has she killed humans?"
Biting her lower lip, she avoided my eyes. "Jake, please."
I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her in frustration. "Tell me."
She shook her head no, then, exploded. "I don't know yet, okay?"
"But you suspect she may have, don't you?"
That's when she finally blurted it out. "Edward suspects."
Now I was the one swallowing hard. I sure didn't see this one coming. Balling up my fists, I declared, "Well, he's wrong."
"We don't know anything for sure yet," Bella insisted.
"Dammit, Bells, she's your daughter. You should believe her." I was so lost, I didn't even know what I was saying.
"Jake, that's all I try to do, but—"
"You asked me to get away from her. You're the one who convinced me to wait 'till she was older." I myself couldn't understand why I was punishing her like this. She was just trying to tell me the truth, and all I could do was put the blame on her.
And yet it was obvious that she felt guilty, because she kept trying to make excuses. "Edward and I just wanted her to have a normal childhood."
All of a sudden, I was trapped in this argument with her and I couldn't find a way out. "Listen to yourself, Bella. Normal? Like that South American kid who killed his mother at childbirth? That's what you call normal?"
"Nessie's not like Nahuel," she protested.
"She's half-vampire, half human, just like him." I couldn't stop myself from sounding vicious.
So, as I should have expected, she threw it right back at me. "Oh, yeah, and she would have turned out so different if we hadn't asked you to leave, right?"
The blow disabled me for a moment, but I knew had it coming. "I never said that," was the best defense I could come up with.
"It's everyone's fault," Bella said in a fatalistic tone, like sighing out her last breath. My words had wounded her, too, and now she was drained.
"Nessie hasn't killed any humans, okay? We'll leave it at that." It felt comfortable being in denial.
But Bella wasn't going to let it slide that easily. "What if she has?"
"Bella!" I protested.
"Edward might be right. He says two years in Paris will teach her self-discipline, plus . . . the Volturi can't touch her if she's there."
"The Volturi require evidence to prosecute. If there's no evidence of her crime, then she's innocent."
"Jake, I can't believe you're so blind." Even she could see it, but I didn't care.
"So you believe it, too, then? You think Edward has reason to suspect?"
"No, it's not that, Jake, I—"
"What, then?" I pried.
"She's been sleepwalking at night. We've lost track of her for several hours and on more than one occasion. Happy now?"
Great. I hadn't even recovered from the first one yet, and now she hits me with more. "Why didn't you tell me that before?"
"I was trying, but you wouldn't let me talk."
"You should have stayed in Forks, Bella. Close to the reservation, where the pack can protect Nessie and all your family."
"Humans were getting suspicious," she retorted.
I knew she wasn't going to budge, but neither was I. "Oh, so if she attacks a human in Canada, they won't notice?"
"Not if Rosalie is with her, they won't. Rose is an expert at disappearing evidence."
I gawked. "You mean Blondie's in on it, too?"
"Nessie won't let anyone else look after her."
"But you're her mother!"
Her eyes boring into mine, Bella met my gaze, and I noticed her pupils were beyond black with hunger. She hadn't hunted. I was sure of it. Now it was all starting to make sense. That's why she looked much more like a corpse than any of her fellow vampires. The thirst for human blood was killing her, too. Animal blood just wasn't satisfying enough for her.
"It's not that simple," she said after a long silence.
I scratched my head, still struggling to process all the crap she'd just dumped on me. "So I guess the whole 'vegetarian vampire' lifestyle isn't working too well for you guys, is it?"
"Would you give up meat altogether just to eat vegetables, Jake?"
She had a point there, I had to admit.
"Yes, but—." A chuckle escaped me accidentally, like what I was about to say was totally obvious. "We're talking about human lives here."
"Edward killed humans when he first got changed."
I felt sick to my stomach. And yet, bracing myself for an answer I didn't want to hear, I had to ask the inevitable. "Have you?"
But the answer was in her face. Already I could tell that she hadn't. "No," she confirmed, shaking her head.
All this time, I'd been so focused on our conversation that I hadn't noticed what was going on around us. I was in such confusion, trying to sort it all out, that I didn't hear the voices calling out to us. Then, I suddenly heard a commotion coming from the circle where the elders were sitting with the Cullens. Bella froze in place, so I grabbed her hand and pulled her along with me towards the circle.
By the time we got there, Jasper was screaming out "Alice, Alice!" His eyes wild with what I could only describe as madness, he flopped around violently like he was having a seizure. He'd lost it, and no one knew why.
Carlisle and Emmett struggled to restrain him, but they seemed to be having a real hard time getting him to calm down. Jasper was beyond himself.
"Alice is in trouble," Edward said to Bella and me. "He's under the influence of her mood right now. Something's really wrong."
"We have to go over there. She's with Nessie." I hadn't finished talking, when I heard someone calling my name.
It was Seth. "Jake!" he called from a distance. He'd left Leah's house to come warn us.
"Why did you leave the girls alone?" I scolded.
"It's Alice, isn't it?" Edward asked Seth.
Without saying a word, Seth nodded.
"I thought you could hear her thoughts," I complained to Edward.
"Yes, but I'm not hearing anything right now. It's like she's unconscious or something," was Edward's reply.
At that point, the hermit rushed towards us, his voice trembling. "Take me to her."
"What's happening to them?" I asked him, still in a daze.
But Bella interrupted me. "There's no time for questions, let's go!" Leaving everyone behind, she grabbed a motorcycle she found parked at the beach and jumped on it. As the bike's engine roared to life, Bella took off to Leah's house.
Besides the Quileute people, many tourists from countries worldwide as well as visitors from other states would come join the celebration every summer.
Everyone gathered in groups around the bonfires, where the Quileute elders performed traditional dances and chanted ancient mantras for the earth.
My favorite part of the celebration was the sacred drumming. Old Quil Ateara said it was meant to put the dancers in a trance so they could receive healing visions from the ancestors.
Old Quil Ateara was the elder who had lived the longest among our people, so we all had great reverence for him. He was a wise old man with many secrets.
As a matter of fact, most of what Sam knew about the hidden Quileute knowledge had come from Old Quil.
I didn't know much about these secret truths, because I was still considered unworthy. I had yet to prove myself as a true Alpha in the eyes of the elders who guarded this knowledge. But I could tell that whatever they knew gave them great power to sway the emotions of those around them.
They seemed to be surrounded by a field of magnetic electricity. Just by watching their silhouettes moving in circles around the fire, you were immediately drawn in.
The magical sound of the sacred drumming affected everyone there. It worked on anyone who participated in it, not only on the Quileutes. No matter what color their skin may be, or what culture or country they might come from, the drumming was like a universal language that united us all.
Some people would laugh, others would cry, while others would just stare like they were watching a freak show. The practice had been passed down from generation to generation ever since the Spirit Warriors had seen what was beyond the world of the living. That's where they'd learned all the secrets that today we called the hidden Quileute knowledge.
I checked my cell to see if Bella had called, but she still hadn't. I felt the anxiety building up in the pit of my stomach, so I tried hard to enjoy the fireworks, but I couldn't get our last conversation out of my head, especially after the psychic attack I had suffered.
After all, I knew Edward could read my thoughts but only if he specifically made it a point to tune in to them. He may have been tuned in to someone else's thoughts at the time when it happened, and, if he had, then he would've missed everything.
And yet somehow I couldn't help but wonder why Bella had called me three times in one hour, and not just at any random time, but precisely during the hour I'd been unconscious.
I glanced around me and spotted Leah and Embry somewhere in the crowd, dancing. They weren't even touching, but I could tell from the way they gazed into each other's eyes that maybe they were in love.
But what did I, of all people, know about love? Sure, I couldn't deny that I usually got a decent amount of female attention, but my feelings for Nessie always held me back. I was destined to remain a virgin, at least until Nessie was old enough to mate with me.
It was confusing to think of Nessie in that way, knowing she was barely turning five this year. In human years, she was five, but in vampire years, she was already a fully developed teenager, curves and all.
I felt conflicted to say the least, and for that reason, my friendship with Bella had grown stronger from the moment Nessie was born. I somehow felt that only Bella understood how I felt about her daughter.
Edward had been pretty cool with it, too, but he and I could never be close friends.
After all, Bella and I had shared a kiss once—a long time ago, before she married Edward. Back then I'd been stupid enough to believe I was in love with her. I couldn't have been more wrong all along. Bella was Edward's wife and she would always be. As for me, I was destined to be with Nessie someday.
Yet, I couldn't help but sense every time I was around Bella that it was an awkward situation for Edward to have to accept.
I couldn't complain about Edward. His attitude towards me had gone from hatred to respect, and even maybe a little loyalty, for having stood by his family's side against the Volturi.
Ever the gentleman, Edward had always been very polite and friendly with me since that day. But there was often a really subtle tinge of animosity that his eyes betrayed when I went anywhere near his wife.
This is probably part of the reason why the Cullens had moved to Canada. Bella never admitted to it, but something told me she was well aware of this uneasiness eating away at her husband's cold marble façade.
I myself never dared to bring it up either. I figured I was lucky enough to be allowed to visit Nessie once a month until the time came to be with her forever.
My consolation every time the longing hit me hard was to call Bella and find out how Nessie was doing. Sometimes Bella would let Nessie come to the phone, but not nearly as often as I'd hope, especially when Edward was home.
Edward had accepted the fact that I had imprinted on his daughter, at least to a certain extent, but he had set limitations to our friendship. Something about him wanting to let Nessie have a "normal" childhood before she awakened to the temptations of romantic love.
Whatever. He was the father. I had to obey his rules no matter how much it hurt to be away from her.
As I dug my bare feet into the sand, the anxiety came screaming out of my gut again. And, only seconds later, I realized it had been a premonition. My cell vibrated inside my pocket, sending a sudden chill up and down my spine. It was a short text message from Bella. "We're here," it read.
I hardly had enough time to finish reading it when I saw them. Looking perfectly chiseled and airbrushed like sculptures, the Cullens made their grand entrance.
My heartbeat quickened the moment my eyes met Nessie's. The birthday girl was here, and the party had just begun.
Before I saw Nessie for the first time, I used to think the whole idea of imprinting was a stupid myth, an irritating epidemic that had infected almost half the boys in the pack. Little did I know at the time that I, too, would be sucked into its irresistible whirlwind.
Now I understood why Quil, Old Quil Ateara's grandson, wouldn't date at all. Like me, he had imprinted on a young girl and now was stuck having to wait until she was a grown woman.
Claire, the girl Quil had imprinted on, was eight years old, almost nine. She was Emily's niece, and Quil was head over heels for her, but only in a big brother kind of way, at least for the time being.
Of course, Quil's situation was very different from mine. Claire was fully human, so there was no confusion there. She actually looked her age and was much too innocent yet to realize what Quil's adoration for her ultimately meant. As a result, Quil found it easy to be around her without potentially offending her folks.
I wish I could say the same about Nessie and me. Being around her was a great relief in a way, but at the same time, it also filled me with guilt and made me feel like a total weirdo.
I could see in her eyes that she, too, was attracted to me. But, instead of putting me at ease, being aware of her attraction made me feel torn between two opposing, and equally strong forces. I simply didn't know how to behave around her, even more so when Edward was near.
Quiet desperation was the best way to put it. My hands sweating, I took a few steps in their direction.
I avoided Edward's scrutinizing glare. I knew he was intently focused on reading my every thought, so I made a strong effort to think of potato chips, or something silly like that. Knowing my strategy would annoy him to no end, I suppressed a chuckle and tried to think about even more outrageous things, like a talking Christmas tree or a crazy cat, running around in circles, trying to bite its own tail.
Jasper and Emmett, Edward's two vampire brothers, stepped forward in a protective manner and stood motionless on either side of Edward. Together, the three of them shot me warning glances, staring me down like they'd be willing to take me in a fight anytime if I crossed the line.
You have nothing to worry about, I thought, consciously projecting my thoughts into Edward's mind and fully aware that Jasper could pick up on my moods and emotions with pinpoint accuracy. She's just a child to me, I assured them.
I may not be psychic in my human form, but there's one thing I'd become very good at since I started dealing closely with the Cullens. I'd become an expert at reading their body language.
No matter how expressionless and stiff they might seem to others, I could still sense how they felt about me. They didn't trust me. That was clear, but I wouldn't dare confront them for the sake of Nessie.
The first one to speak was Dr. Carlisle Cullen, their adoptive father and clan leader. "Hello, Jacob," he said with a smile that appeared sincere.
Of all the males in that family, the one that knew how to break the ice in the most awkward of situations was Carlisle. Stepping forward in front of his boys, he shook my hand, a wide smile on his face the whole time. He actually seemed happy to see me.
I couldn't describe how relieved I felt to find out that Carlisle didn't perceive me as a threat. I honestly wanted to get along with them, I really did. All of it for Nessie. My commitment to her was so real to me that I wanted her to be happy at whatever cost.
As I'd suspected, the next one to approach me was Alice, Edward's sister. According to Quileute legends, every vampire supposedly had a super power. Hers was clairvoyance. She often had visions of the future. Always the most cheerful of the Cullen females, Alice was also the most talkative. "Hey, Jake, where are your shoes?" she asked in her usual fairylike voice.
After Alice gave me a hug, Bella and Nessie came towards me. I wished so much I could open my arms to hold them both, but, instead, I controlled myself and remained standing there, trying to show Edward I had no intention of disrespecting his family.
Yet, while Bella read my gesture clearly and limited her greeting to a nod and a shy batting of eyelashes, Nessie couldn't care less about what her family thought.
Looking like a goddess in a summer dress, she threw herself in my arms and pressed herself up against me. "Jake!" she screamed in excitement.
I immediately pulled back, the quiet desperation about to explode in my chest. In my eyes, Renesmee's beauty was supernatural, but those were forbidden thoughts to me. Think of potatoes, think of potatoes, I repeated to myself, trying to ignore Jasper and Emmett, who were having a hard time keeping a straight face while reading me.
Oh well, it was better to make them laugh than to fight them, I figured. It felt awful to disappoint Nessie. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her feelings, but with Edward there, I was walking on thin ice. My only consolation was Bella's loyalty to me. Somewhere inside of me I trusted that she'd help me out.
Esme, Carlisle's wife, must have picked up on how rotten I was feeling after pulling away from Nessie's embrace, because she came over and rested her hand on my shoulder. "It's great to see you, Jake." Her eyes bright with motherly affection, she smiled at me and lightly kissed me on the forehead.
The only one who kept a distance was Rosalie, Edward's other sister, who remained in the background, the whole time giving me the same you-better-watch-it glare as her brothers. Even though she wasn't exactly my favorite person, Rosalie loved and protected Nessie like she was her own daughter.
Just for that, she had my respect. She was a devoted aunt, so, every time I felt tempted to dislike her, I tried to look at her through Nessie's eyes. I preferred to call her blondie instead of Rosalie. She was a tough cookie. I dare say she loved Nessie as much as she disliked me. I could tell she hated the idea of Nessie dating me someday, even though she never said a word about it.
Not that she ever talked to me, anyway. Most of the time, when she wasn't looking daggers at me, she'd pretend I wasn't even there. The good thing about it is she was easier to tolerate when she ignored me, because I could just ignore her right back.
Tonight she'd decided to acknowledge me, but only to remind me how much she disapproved of me. As I tried to break free from the stare lock she had me in, I noticed that Nessie went over to stand next to her.
For a second there, the two of them glared at me, and I thought I saw resentment in Nessie's eyes. Unfortunately, I knew that look very well, having grown up with two older sisters. Either I was being way too paranoid, or Blondie had been brainwashing Nessie to drive her away from me.
After all, I was the one who had imprinted on Nessie, and not the other way around. When a werewolf imprinted on someone, he was fully committed to that person for as long as he lived. It wasn't always the same for the other person, though. Imprinting couldn't override anyone's free will. Unlike me, Nessie would always have a choice, and Blondie knew it all too well.
I didn't even want to imagine what would become of me if Nessie were to choose someone else when the time came. The thought was much too painful to consider, so I had to brush it off if I wanted to stay sane.
Just then, I heard Leah's voice calling out from behind me. "Alice!"
"Hey, Leah!" Alice responded with the same excitement.
Two girls who were supposed to be natural enemies—Alice for being a vampire, and Leah for being a werewolf—had actually become the best of friends in the past few years.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw Seth and Leah approaching. Seth had always been friendly with the Cullens, but it had taken Leah a while to warm up to them. That's until Alice had somehow managed to get her excited about planning parties. From that point on, Leah's attitude towards the Cullens had changed for good.
"Welcome back." Leah greeted Alice with a hug and then went on to give hugs to the rest of the family.
Seth, too, was as thrilled to see the Cullens as they were to see him. Everyone liked Seth, and the pack had nicknamed him White Dove, because he was the only pacifist among us. "Let's go guys," Seth called out, wearing his signature grin, "the elders are waiting."
My dad Billy and Old Quil invited Carlisle and Esme to sit next to them at the head of the circle. Sam and the Blindfolded Hermit were also asked to take a place next to the elders, along with Bella's dad Charlie and his fiancé Sue Clearwater, mother of Seth and Leah.
According to Quileute traditions, it was a great honor to sit next to the elders, and only those who had earned a position of leadership were invited to join.
I, too, someday would be recognized as a leader, but right now, I wasn't very sure I wanted the responsibility. Along with the rest of the Cullens, I sat with Seth, Embry and Sam's girlfriend, Emily. We formed a circle around the bonfire, while the other guys in the pack, Paul, Quil and Jared were somewhere in the crowd, watching the fireworks with their girls.
Edward sat next to Bella, his back propped up against a rock, while Bella gazed silently at the flames dancing in front of her. As the burning wood crackled, and the smoke billowed upwards into the sky, Bella's eyes seemed to move along with the tiny embers that flew in all directions.
I could tell something was bothering her. She didn't have to tell me. I was pretty sure it had to do with her phone call from the night before. Another thing that worried me was her skin tone. It looked so pale it was almost grey. Should be normal for a vampire, but none of the other Cullen females appeared as corpselike and unhealthy as Bella did.
With everyone all mellow, no one was saying much, except for Leah and Alice who kept going on an on about fashion designers in Seattle.
"Speaking of Seattle," Leah suddenly announced, "you should see what I got you from there, Nessie."
Opening her eyes widely, Nessie sprung up from the folding lawn chair where she'd been lounging and clapped her hands in excitement. "I want to see it. Where is it?"
"At my mom's house," Leah replied.
"Mama," Nessie said to Bella, "can I go to Sue's house, pleeeeease?"
Before Bella could answer, Alice chimed in, "I'll go with them."
"Me, too," added Rosalie.
Bella exchanged looks with Edward, probably projecting her thoughts into his mind.
Edward shrugged and nodded indifferently. "Sure, I don't see why not."
As the four girls left the circle, it occurred to me that Seth should go with them just to be safe. "Seth," I muttered.
"Huh?"
I nudged him. "Go with your sister."
"Geez, Jake, Leah knows how to take care of herself."
"Yeah, but everyone's at the beach right now, and it's already dark. Go with them, Seth. C'mon."
"You owe me one." Kicking some sand my way, Seth got up reluctantly and took off after the girls.
This was the perfect opportunity for me to talk to Bella, but I'd have to get past Edward first. I made it a point to get Edward's attention right at the moment when I was taking a huge bite out of my steak. "Hey, Edward."
"Yes?" he asked, staring at the half-cooked blood dripping from my steak.
"Hungry?" I took another juicy bite and offered him a piece even though I knew quite well that vampires never eat.
He waved his hand and said, "No, thanks," then smiled, like I'd just said something funny.
"So, Edward," I began casually, "Bella tells me you guys have been learning ballroom dancing."
Falling right for it, Edward smiled proudly and bragged, "I'm taking her to Argentina in the summer to learn the tango. Isn't that right, love?" He barely looked at her as he said that.
"I thought you said Brazil first," Bella replied, mirroring his attitude of detachment.
That's when I jumped at the chance. "You wouldn't mind her teaching me a few steps. Would you, Edward?"
He smiled in complete confidence, not a single trace of jealousy in his eyes. "Not at all! Show him what you got, love," he told Bella as he kissed her hand.
I offered Bella my hand to help her up, but, before I knew it, she was already standing next to me.
"Sure you want to do this?" she asked with a cocky smile like she was about to bring it.
"Positive." I took her in my arms, and she suddenly started showing off a few of her impressive ballroom moves.
Bella as a vampire behaved very differently from the clumsy human girl she used to be before she'd moved to Forks, before she'd graduated high school.
Before Edward had changed her.
Now as a vampire, she moved with great precision and agility. She'd become very picky about her hairstyle, makeup, shoes and clothes. In her own undead sort of way, she looked just as elegant and provocative as any Maxim babe.
"You said you needed to talk to me," I reminded her.
"First of all, I want you to know that I got it all taken care of, alright?"
Just the opposite of what she was saying, but fine. I didn't mind playing along. "Okay?"
She swallowed hard and looked at me. "Edward wants to send Nessie away to Europe."
The news hit me so hard, I was frozen for a few seconds. "Europe," I repeated without thinking.
"Paris," Bella added.
"What the hell's in Paris?" My anger just burst out of me without warning. I was losing it.
"The Occult School of Vampires."
I knew I hadn't heard wrong. My super hearing sense had never failed me, even in my human form. "Geez," I sighed, shaking my head. "I hate to ask you this, Bells, but has Edward completely lost it?"
"He says she'll be safe there."
"Safe from what?" I jumped.
"From the Volturi," was her answer. She wasn't joking.
"Why is he so paranoid?" And then it dawned on me. "Bella," I said, holding her gaze. "Is there something going on that you're not telling me?"
She shook her head. "I'm not trying to hide anything from you. I'm telling you everything."
I knew she was being honest, but I still had to test her. "And this is what you say you got all taken care of?"
"I don't need your help, if that's what you're trying to say." Great, now she was on the defensive.
"Have the Volturi made a move?" I had to ask.
"No." She paused for a moment and then added. "Not yet."
"Not yet?" I said shocked.
"You want the truth, I'm telling you the truth. They haven't made a move, Jacob."
"Then why is Edward so afraid for Nessie?"
Her eyes watered a little. A mother's suffering in Bella's eyes that I'd never seen before. "She has no self control."
I didn't want to bring it up, but I just couldn't fight the urge to ask. "Has she killed humans?"
Biting her lower lip, she avoided my eyes. "Jake, please."
I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her in frustration. "Tell me."
She shook her head no, then, exploded. "I don't know yet, okay?"
"But you suspect she may have, don't you?"
That's when she finally blurted it out. "Edward suspects."
Now I was the one swallowing hard. I sure didn't see this one coming. Balling up my fists, I declared, "Well, he's wrong."
"We don't know anything for sure yet," Bella insisted.
"Dammit, Bells, she's your daughter. You should believe her." I was so lost, I didn't even know what I was saying.
"Jake, that's all I try to do, but—"
"You asked me to get away from her. You're the one who convinced me to wait 'till she was older." I myself couldn't understand why I was punishing her like this. She was just trying to tell me the truth, and all I could do was put the blame on her.
And yet it was obvious that she felt guilty, because she kept trying to make excuses. "Edward and I just wanted her to have a normal childhood."
All of a sudden, I was trapped in this argument with her and I couldn't find a way out. "Listen to yourself, Bella. Normal? Like that South American kid who killed his mother at childbirth? That's what you call normal?"
"Nessie's not like Nahuel," she protested.
"She's half-vampire, half human, just like him." I couldn't stop myself from sounding vicious.
So, as I should have expected, she threw it right back at me. "Oh, yeah, and she would have turned out so different if we hadn't asked you to leave, right?"
The blow disabled me for a moment, but I knew had it coming. "I never said that," was the best defense I could come up with.
"It's everyone's fault," Bella said in a fatalistic tone, like sighing out her last breath. My words had wounded her, too, and now she was drained.
"Nessie hasn't killed any humans, okay? We'll leave it at that." It felt comfortable being in denial.
But Bella wasn't going to let it slide that easily. "What if she has?"
"Bella!" I protested.
"Edward might be right. He says two years in Paris will teach her self-discipline, plus . . . the Volturi can't touch her if she's there."
"The Volturi require evidence to prosecute. If there's no evidence of her crime, then she's innocent."
"Jake, I can't believe you're so blind." Even she could see it, but I didn't care.
"So you believe it, too, then? You think Edward has reason to suspect?"
"No, it's not that, Jake, I—"
"What, then?" I pried.
"She's been sleepwalking at night. We've lost track of her for several hours and on more than one occasion. Happy now?"
Great. I hadn't even recovered from the first one yet, and now she hits me with more. "Why didn't you tell me that before?"
"I was trying, but you wouldn't let me talk."
"You should have stayed in Forks, Bella. Close to the reservation, where the pack can protect Nessie and all your family."
"Humans were getting suspicious," she retorted.
I knew she wasn't going to budge, but neither was I. "Oh, so if she attacks a human in Canada, they won't notice?"
"Not if Rosalie is with her, they won't. Rose is an expert at disappearing evidence."
I gawked. "You mean Blondie's in on it, too?"
"Nessie won't let anyone else look after her."
"But you're her mother!"
Her eyes boring into mine, Bella met my gaze, and I noticed her pupils were beyond black with hunger. She hadn't hunted. I was sure of it. Now it was all starting to make sense. That's why she looked much more like a corpse than any of her fellow vampires. The thirst for human blood was killing her, too. Animal blood just wasn't satisfying enough for her.
"It's not that simple," she said after a long silence.
I scratched my head, still struggling to process all the crap she'd just dumped on me. "So I guess the whole 'vegetarian vampire' lifestyle isn't working too well for you guys, is it?"
"Would you give up meat altogether just to eat vegetables, Jake?"
She had a point there, I had to admit.
"Yes, but—." A chuckle escaped me accidentally, like what I was about to say was totally obvious. "We're talking about human lives here."
"Edward killed humans when he first got changed."
I felt sick to my stomach. And yet, bracing myself for an answer I didn't want to hear, I had to ask the inevitable. "Have you?"
But the answer was in her face. Already I could tell that she hadn't. "No," she confirmed, shaking her head.
All this time, I'd been so focused on our conversation that I hadn't noticed what was going on around us. I was in such confusion, trying to sort it all out, that I didn't hear the voices calling out to us. Then, I suddenly heard a commotion coming from the circle where the elders were sitting with the Cullens. Bella froze in place, so I grabbed her hand and pulled her along with me towards the circle.
By the time we got there, Jasper was screaming out "Alice, Alice!" His eyes wild with what I could only describe as madness, he flopped around violently like he was having a seizure. He'd lost it, and no one knew why.
Carlisle and Emmett struggled to restrain him, but they seemed to be having a real hard time getting him to calm down. Jasper was beyond himself.
"Alice is in trouble," Edward said to Bella and me. "He's under the influence of her mood right now. Something's really wrong."
"We have to go over there. She's with Nessie." I hadn't finished talking, when I heard someone calling my name.
It was Seth. "Jake!" he called from a distance. He'd left Leah's house to come warn us.
"Why did you leave the girls alone?" I scolded.
"It's Alice, isn't it?" Edward asked Seth.
Without saying a word, Seth nodded.
"I thought you could hear her thoughts," I complained to Edward.
"Yes, but I'm not hearing anything right now. It's like she's unconscious or something," was Edward's reply.
At that point, the hermit rushed towards us, his voice trembling. "Take me to her."
"What's happening to them?" I asked him, still in a daze.
But Bella interrupted me. "There's no time for questions, let's go!" Leaving everyone behind, she grabbed a motorcycle she found parked at the beach and jumped on it. As the bike's engine roared to life, Bella took off to Leah's house.
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